We all want to be good parents. But sometimes parenting can be difficult and exhausting. You know those times that we wish that we could escape from the people we love. Have you ever wondered why life isn’t that simple and why we can’t all just get along and live in harmony. Are there times where you feel yourself becoming impatient and irritable? You know where your anger turns you into a Jekyll and Hyde. Please don’t get discouraged, because you’re not alone. I’m going to give you some tips this month that will give you the power to create a more loving and caring environment for you and your family.
I was cleaning my office the other day and came across a book called Fighting Fair for Families and I thought to myself what great tools it had for dealing with those difficult days as a parent. Even though the book was first published in 1989, most of these tools are still relevant today. So, the couple of tips I’m going to share with you this month, have been designed using this book, and also taking into consideration the four different personality styles called DISC. So here’s my first tip…
When Anger Flares Cool Down
When we’re under stress, anger and tempers can flare, we cannot think or communicate clearly. We say and do things which can cause conflict. In the DISC Model the four styles react differently when under stress. D Styles become argumentative and tend to dictate, I Syles become sarcastic and emotional, S Styles really don’t like to be around anger and will submit and become indecisive, while C Styles becomes rather headstrong and will argue.
So, when you’re really angry, don’t take it out on the ones you love. Give yourself (and others) time to cool down. It’s ok to say, “I’m angry and I need time to cool down, We’ll talk later”. And trust your family to understand how you feel – Everything will turn out alright in the end. Encourage other family members to find acceptable ways to cool down. Remember anger is normal, everyone has feelings. When feelings are respected, understood and cared about , trust and love can grow.
Cool down by:
- Calling a friend
- Having a socal in the tub – I tend to like this one
- Doing some cleaning
- Screaming into a pillow
Use Caring Language
Caring communication begins with non-blaming language, helps both sides listen to and understand each other. It gives a non-threatening message about how you perceive the problem. Caring language lets people you love know that they are important and respected. Learn to apologize. This kind of admission of responsibility has the power to defuse a conflict situation and gets conflict under control. The I and S Styles naturally like to focus on people and are the ones that tend to apologize first. When apologizing, start by using the person’s name first, then tell them how you feel, using “I” statements. Then identify the problem and lastly mention what you want to happen moving forward.
Also try not to use these statements: “You never”, or “You should have, or “You made me”. “You” messages are fouls and escalate conflicts. They tend to lay blame or label, judge, boss or threaten. These statements cause the ones we care about to become defensive. Learning to communicate in a caring way, by listening with compassion and kindness, is essential to a healthy family relationship.
Aren’t these a great couple of tips! I would love to hear how you get on after you apply them, so leave a comment. Also for those parents that would like to join my parenting Facebook group you can go here Parent with Teens, Tween and Anything In between. Please share with others if you have found this post helpful. Together we can create a kinder and more peaceful world.